You Have No Idea What Apple Announced Today

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Apple is holding its annual World Wide Developer Conference and the fan boys are out in force. Here’s Darrell Etherington at TechCrunch under the headline: iOS 7 Changed iOS, But iOS 8 Changes Computing:

But where the metaphorical plates of iOS’s programming pillars meet, there’s a tectonic shift that could change entirely the way people think about their mobile devices – and computers in general, for that matter.

The mobile shift is going to be tremendous because of the new freedom afforded developers with the Extensions paradigm, which allows them to build hooks between apps that approximate desktop-level flexibility while keeping the simplicity of the mobile UX for the consumer. And notification widgets make a whole new playground for devs to explore (software in the Notification tray will become more than just add-on features for standalone apps, just you watch).

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iOS 8, and OS X Yosemite, will change the way you use your smartphone, and it’ll do so in non-trivial ways. That’s more than can be said for any mobile OS update in recent memory, and something that we’ll be feeling of the impact from not only this fall, but likely for years to come.

Sounds pretty awesome, huh? Programming pillars undergoing tectonic shifts, a new playground for devs and a notification tray thingy. Alright Apple shareholders out there. Admit it. You have no idea what has our nerd friend’s joystick sproinging, do you? It’s okay to admit it. Most people have no idea what the hell he’s on about; they’re just pretending and stringing together some phrases they heard on a conference call. It’s just gibberish really. Own up to your ignorance; in fact, be proud of it because here’s a little secret…it doesn’t matter. Even if you could figure out exactly what Apple was up to, even if you had a wire tap on Tim Cook and a medium with a direct link to Steve Jobs, it wouldn’t help you to decide whether you should buy, hold or sell. You would still have no idea whether the public would find the next new thing at Apple as cool or uncool or downright tragic as you do.

Technology has always to some degree been about branding, fashion and pop culture. Apple themselves admitted as much by hiring Angela Ahrendts from Burberry to run their retail operation. They proved it again by buying Beats and putting Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine on the payroll. What matters for Apple shareholders is how the public reacts to new products and that isn’t just about the technology that we don’t understand. So what you don’t know what Apple announced today? Do you know who Dr. Dre is? It doesn’t matter if you think rap is something one does with one’s knuckles, you know who he is, don’t you? If you’re on the backside of 40 you probably know who Jimmy Iovine is too, don’t you? That’s more important than anything that gets announced at WWDC 2014.

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Sigmund is a skeptic, a doubter, a cynic, an unbeliever with access to a Thesaurus. He's also fictional and may or may not be more than one person and on some days he may be a she. He most definitely is not associated in any way with that wanker Harry Potter.

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